Hi, all!
Enjoyed the meeting yesterday! Someone sent this to me & thought you might
get a laugh out of it, too...
Melissa
> Subject: [AcresOfHope] Why Barbie Can't Be a Mom
>
>
> Why Barbie Can't Be a Mom
>
>
> R
> ecently, my husband Jeff and I spent an afternoon at Disneyland
> with our five-year-old son and two-and-a-half-year-old daughter.
>
> While perusing one of the theme park's many gift shops, we came
> across a Barbie collection. A lovely family of four, complete with Barbie,
> Ken, and two children, all dressed in full Disney memorabilia. They each
had
> the infamous "Mouse Ears" hats, Mickey Mouse jackets, and various other
> theme-parkish little goodies to complete the set.
>
> My husband let out a low whistle as he glanced at the price tag.
> "Wow. That's more than the price of a ticket," he noted out loud.
>
> I laughed. "Not to mention the farce. As if Barbie could ever
have
> a FAMILY." I shook my head.
>
> Jeff looked at me with a sideways glance that spoke a thousand
> words, but the most obvious was his bewilderment that I seemed to have
> forgotten Barbie was a fictional character.
>
> Nevertheless, he humored me. "Why couldn't she have a family?
> She's married to Ken, isn't she?"
>
> "Ha!" I snorted. "Only about fifty times over, each time wearing
a
> different gown." I picked up the box that held Barbie and her "family" in
> their Disney gear. "This is her stage family."
>
> Jeff ultimately spoke his thoughts: "She's a doll, Suzie."
>
> "Yeah... I know... " My voice trailed off as I watched my
husband
> take a fragile Goofy mug out of the hands of my daughter, who was then
> content to hike up her dress, plop down on the floor, and breastfeed her
> stuffed Mickey doll.
>
> While Jeff and my son went through the collection of Tarzan
> memorabilia, I set the Barbie box back on the shelf, realizing that, in
her
> plastic and Spandex lifetime, Barbie had surely been around a time or two.
>
> But she has never been a Mom.
>
> Barbie has been a nurse, a teacher, a stewardess and a tour
guide.
> She has spent her summers at the beach and her winters on the slopes. She
> drives a pink convertible to the gym where she works out in Spandex with
> plastic weights. She has a bicycle. She has been to Hawaii, Japan, London
> and China, just to mention a few places, because she has her own airplane.
> She sang at the Grand Ol' Opry. She premiers a new Christmas gown every
> year. She dances, roller skates and skateboards with her friends and plays
> with her little sister at the park. She has a beach house. She is forty
> years old, but doesn't look a day over eighteen. She loves Elvis and Frank
> Sinatra. She's a sports fanatic, having modeled outfits for the Los
Angeles
> Dodgers, Chicago Cubs and NASCAR. She offers her fans a Barbie line of
> clothing, makeup, jewelry and computer software. For forty years, she has
> been a representative of the "ideal" woman.
>
> But she has never been a mother.
>
> There is an "Autumn Glory" Barbie, but there is no "First
> Trimester" Barbie. "First Trimester" Barbie would be the first Barbie who
> didn't sport the plastic Mona Lisa smile that is characteristic of every
> Barbie ever created. Rather, her pink cheeks would be a little green, her
> mouth curved in a downward slope. Her wardrobe would be limited to a terry
> cloth bathrobe. Her jeweled accessories nonexistent, she would instead
> complete the ensemble with a pair of nausea-combatting wrist bands, a pink
> plastic bucket (in case she couldn't make it to the bathroom in time), a
> teeny box of saltine crackers and a small bottle of ginger ale.
>
> There is a "Millennium Princess" Barbie, but there is not an
eight
> months pregnant "I Can't Fit Into My Evening Gowns Anymore" Barbie,
complete
> with stretchy maternity pants, shoes that don't fit her swollen feet and a
> scale with its dial forever set to 180 pounds. In one hand, she would hold
a
> pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, in the
other
> hand a spoon.
>
> Instead of another "Evening Sophistication" Barbie, it might be
> interesting to see a "Stages of Labor" Barbie. Of course, this would be a
> collector's edition, due to it being a once-in-a-lifetime event (Barbie
> probably wouldn't go through pregnancy, labor and delivery again), and due
> to the volume of the collection's contents. Ken would be included in this
> set. Inside the collection box (which doubles as the hospital room), you
> would find "Doctor" Ken (not to be confused with "Husband" Ken), a
hospital
> bed and a fetal monitor, "Nurse" Barbie (not to be confused with
"Pregnant"
> Barbie), and an unpacked overnight bag (pending a "Postpartum" Barbie
> wardrobe). Additional accessories would be available to purchase
separately,
> such as "Anesthesiologist" Skipper, complete with epidural cart.
>
> "Postpartum" Barbie would leave the hospital with her new baby
boy
> or girl. The baby would be purchased as an accessory and come in either
sex,
> with a variety of different hair colors. Each baby would have a different
> name and each one would eventually become a collector's item. "Postpartum"
> Barbie would be dressed in "I Can't Fit Into My Evening Gowns Anymore"
> clothing and not appear to be very happy about it. She would still
resemble
> "Stages of Labor" Barbie, with the exception of her midsection, where hard
> plastic would be replaced with soft cloth, stuffed with Beanie Baby
insides
> that sag when she is upright, then flatten when she is on her back.
>
> "I'm a Dad Now" Ken would be purchased separately. He'd come
> dressed in the same clothing as "Stages of Labor" Ken. He'd carry a baby
bag
> in one hand and hospital discharge papers in the other. He'd also come
with
> an empty wallet. Available for separate purchase would be a mini-van
> equipped with a carseat, a bit more practical than Barbie's former pink
> convertible.
>
> Appearing simultaneously with the premiere of "Postpartum"
Barbie
> would be the "Breastfeeding" Barbie. "Breastfeeding" Barbie would have a
> slimmer stomach, but conveniently retain the same engorged-appearing
breasts
> that all Barbies preceding her have had throughout the past four decades,
> except now they serve a purpose. She would come complete with a new
wardrobe
> of designer breastfeeding shirts, itty-bitty nursing pads and burp cloths.
> Additional accessories which could be purchased separately would be breast
> pumps, nursing shawls (in a variety of hip and attractive patterns that
> would correspond with Barbie's wardrobe), tiny tubes of nipple cream and a
> miniature glider rocker. Available for a limited time only would be "Oh,
> No! -- Coping with Mastitis" Barbie, "Oh My Gosh, I've Got Sore Nipples"
> Barbie, "Mother of a Colicky Baby" Barbie, and "Ouch! Biting hurts Mommy"
> Barbie.
>
> "Sleepless Nights" Barbie and "Date Night with Daddy Ken" Barbie
> might follow. However, while "Sleepless Nights" Barbie (equipped with a
> rocking chair and nonstop recording of your lullaby of choice) might be a
> huge seller, "Date Night with Daddy Ken" Barbie (including "Babysitting"
> Skipper doll) might see a drop in sales. I think that "Date Night with
Daddy
> Ken" Barbie would be purchased with good intentions, but would inevitably
be
> lost in a corner somewhere, collecting dust, possibly pending a new
wardrobe
> that fits Barbie's waistline, while "Breastfeeding" Barbie, "Mother of a
> Colicky Baby" Barbie and "Sleepless Nights" Barbie would be more active.
>
> The entire future of Barbie could be changed by motherhood.
> "Mother of a Toddler" Barbie would be equipped with running shoes and
> peanut-butter-and-jelly-stained clothing. Perhaps her figure might even
take
> on a more realistic appearance -- stretch marks, sagging breasts, and dark
> circles under her eyes.
>
> "Time to Potty Train" Barbie might come with accessories such as
a
> pull-up diaper and a teeny version of "Every Barbie Poops."
>
> Interesting proposition, isn't it? After all, how many more
> evening gowns can Barbie premier annually? How many new Christmas
wardrobes?
> How many career moves? Worldwide trips? Appearances with Ken at the Grand
> Ol' Opry? Isn't it time for Barbie to grow up? To take on some
> responsibility? To be a "real" Mom?
>
> My daughter's soft grunting beside me brought me back to
reality.
> I turned to focus my attention on her, discovering my little blonde beauty
> was squatting, her face red, her grunts turning into a very audible
> "Mommy... I pooping."
>
> "Daddy, did you FART?" piped up my son, his nose wrinkled, his
> hand waving back and forth in front of his face. My husband dropped a
> plastic Tarzan figure, shocked by my son's question, embarrassed by those
> around us who heard it. His face was red, but he was laughing.
>
> A few passers-by glanced at us and chuckled.
>
> My daughter reached under her dress, about to put her hand into
> her diaper, but I was a step ahead of her every move.
>
> "Oh, no you don't," I cheerfully mused, taking her hand in my
own
> before she was able to wedge it into the back of her diaper to examine
what
> she had done. "Mommy learned her lesson after the last time you did that
at
> church."
>
> "Diaper change," I said to my husband as I headed out the door
of
> the gift shop.
>
> He nodded and smiled, watching me grab at my daughter's free
hand,
> as she attempted to sabotage my efforts of keeping her from surveying the
> "new" contents of her soiled diaper.
>
> I think Mattel knew what they were doing all along. Barbie
> couldn't handle motherhood. Not even on her best day.
>
>
>
> ---
> by Suzie Calvin
>
>
> Wife to my best friend, Brad, 17 years
>
> Mom to Brandon 13, Zach 12, Jordan 9,Taylor 7 and Rachel 23
weeks